Doubt. Even though I enjoy Yoga, I am not sure whether this is the path for me to discover myself. When I write this. Or when I this comes to my mind, I do realize it’s my fear talking. My deep insecurity about myself. Always not knowing results in never knowing. Always thinking that what you do is not meant to be.
That’s what adoption does with your mind and spirit. Or what it does with me. I never know. I am not able to trust. The world. My self. Or all the people in my life. When I discovered that my adoption was not performed accordingly and probably not legally as well, it shook everything inside of me. It broke me and I thought less about myself. I remember saying to someone: Who am I? She said, a sweet girl and I couldn’t believe her.
Slowly I try to enter more into me. Who am I? What do I feel? What do I want? Where does my heart and my spirit leads me to? If I follow these answers I notice that it’s a wild road. That it’s not one way, it goes in strong waves of calmness, sadness and sometimes rage. Now I try to accept these feelings and be silent until the storm calms down.